Lately I have been in a mood...I can't exactly describe it. It's not homesickness, I'm not mad at anyone, I'm not sad, I'm in in a mood and it's a bad one. I don't think I've ever gotten in a bad mood that's lasted so long and it's coming out on all those around me...well not the ones I like atleast.
I'm just totally out of energy and running on empty. I'm usually a night person but I can't seem to stay awake and stay conscious past a certain hour. I have no motivation in general which is the weirdest part. My kids are driving me mental and pushing me over the edge. But what's really getting me is the people in Korea. Walking down the streets, being on the bus...they all just piss me off! I'm from Canada where people are polite and say things like "excuse me" when they are pushing by you or if they hit you say "sorry" once or twice. I feel like I'm losing my Canadian-ness because people aren't like that here, they are rude and it's just the way the culture is. I get pushed around all day by people who all act like they are in the biggest rush, bumping me and not even acknowledging the fact that they're stepping on my feet or hitting me. It's so irritating and I try not to let it bug me but this week it's ALL coming out. I mean I have places to go, I have to be at work too but I'm not running into people all day and when I do I say "SORRY" even in Korean.
Korea has all these charms, all of these traits that are just so Korean...that's the only possible way to describe it. But lately Korea has been losing it's charm to me and the things that were once charming are now annoying or frustrating. If I hadn't decided to stay until Christmas, I would be leaving in less than 2 months, about 6 weeks. But in reality I have been away for over a year now if you include camp last year so maybe it's that. I need to somehow convince my body and my brain that I'm not leaving yet and still have 5 and a half months to go...I need to look at this long road ahead and power through! People always say to me that they admire what I'm doing and could never do this either because they have too many things for them at home or are just homebodies...well guess what, I'm one too! I've turned my apartment here into the place where I retreat too since my home in Oakville is too far away! I like being home, I like having familiar things around me, people I know, my bed, my cat, and a good book. I like being boring...I think I actually am boring! To be honest I don't really know how I stay away...maybe it's because I know that there's an end point when I get to go back or maybe it's that I try not to think about it so I don't really let it affect me. Whatever it is it's starting to drift but I don't want it to taint me experience here and I won't let it!
I guess I'm just being a baby, it's not the first time. I'm really good at complaining about things when I shouldn't because I'm lucky and I know that...I just need to be reminded :)
I have more things to say but no time right now...I will write again tomorrow!
Until then,
jane-aroo xo
No comments:
Post a Comment