1 year

1 year ago today, around this exact same time I was arriving at the Geneva airport from an all night flight from Toronto. I would soon be hopping on a train to Sierre, be taking the finicular up the mountain to arrive in Montana. Today is the day that staff training begins at ISCM and 1 year ago I was apart of that...I would be getting picked up at the finicular station, checking in and getting horrible staff photo taken which would haunt me all summer, I would once again be having the butterflies in my stomach about meeting new people, seeing old face and looking forward to another unbelievable summer....but I'm not, is it awful that I'm jealous?

I'm in a wonderful place in my life with wonderful people. I love my job and I'm happy to be where I'm at...so how can I possibly be jealous? The thing with people is that we always want what we can't have, we want to be where everyone else is and do what they're doing. We want another persons job, their apartment, their fashion sense, we constantly want something else but what's so wrong about what we already have!?! It can be hard to live in the now when my life here is so temporary, it's so easy to think about what's next especially when I have my end date.

I really can't complain, I have a great life and have nothing bad to say. I think I'm just upset that I can't be two, three or four places at once...I hate missing things, missing people and missing experiences that I know are bound for greatness. I'm constantly missing things, missing birthdays, house warmings, weddings, hockey game nights, delicious family dinners so I guess this just adds to my list of things I will eventually have to make up for...watch out 2011.

Today I just feel kind of lonely because I know that if I was at camp, I would be spending the next 10 weeks surrounded by hundreds of people at all times and I like that. There's no place in the world I would rather be than there because there no place in the world that makes me feel the way I feel there....so free (the air quality and the mountains help). In a city like Seoul, with millions of people around me all the time I still feel so small and insignificant all the time. Putting the language barrier and my obvious non-asianess aside, I just don't feel surrounded like I do at camp and I don't get that same feeling. I like feeling small sometimes, and insignificant, and totally lost because it means I have to fight to be noticed and find my place but sometimes it's exhuasting. I miss camp because it's effortless, it's easy, it's also equally as exhausting but I know that, I get that, and I can handle that.

Another thing that struck me about ISCM starting is that it was a year ago that I left home and said goodbye to most of my friends/family until I return. It's so crazy to think that I've been gone a year because it definitely doesn't feel like one. It's strange to also think that I'm here for another 6 months, 6 months that will probably go by just as fast. I do look forward to going home, I think about it all the time because I know what's waiting for me which makes it hard to wait BUT I need to continue to try and live in the now, so I don't missing what's right infront of me.

~janey waney xo